By Findalis of Monkey in the Middle
Book of Obama: Chapter 11
nd The Anointed One spoke unto the masses:But the flow of oil did not stop. Not when The Anointed One demanded it to, not when the people of the region prayed to their God, not for many months. It flowed and destroyed the sea and land. The birds and fish. The hopes of the people. It destroyed all because of the hubris of The Anointed One.
While I was fixing your economy, granting everyone Healthcare, and destroying this nation's alliances with our traditional friends, my enemy (Republicans and Teabggers) destroyed a deep well in the Gulf of Mexico.
This happened due to the incompetence of the British and how it was caused by the evil done by Bush the Lessor.
This was not MY fault, The Anointed One he exclaimed!
It was BP, they lied to Me, they said they could plug the leak. For they had many plans, though none would work well, they all looked good when they proposed them.
It was the fault of Steven Chu, he is the smartest man I know after Me. He has a Nobel in Physics, head of MY energy policy and should have known how to solve this mess. Chu failed Me!
And MY predecessor, Bush the Lessor, caused this disaster. It was his policies that was the direct caused of this. It was his lack of regulation, his people that let BP, that evil Corporation, to do what they wanted to.
Yet I will heal this mess. I will require the passing of the Cap and Trade Bill. Yes it will raise yourn electric rates by 30% but it will save the environment (At least MY poll numbers with them!).
I demand an end to all drilling in the Gulf of Mexico. We can never allow an disaster like this to happen again (This will please MY Saudi masters.).
visited the Gulf, not once, not twice, not thrice, but four times. I talked to the fishermen, innkeeper, tavern owner. They cried they will go broke. They have no income, no monies, it is all the fault of BP. They will be destroyed.
I told them that I will force BP to put Billions of their dollars into a special account and a third party will settle all claims (I think I can get Andy "The Weasel" Stern to head it.). They will get paid eventually, but not until I get MY share (It is the Chicago Way!).
I went to the Gulf, and held out MY arms. I demanded the oil to stop spilling (It was keeping Me from MY golf game!), but nothing happened. The oil kept flowing. I am The Anointed One! The Chosen of the People. If I say stop, it will stop!
The people, those who follow God and those who reject his laws, started to turn from the false Messiah. "He has lied to us too many times." They cried. And the Holy Poll Numbers were dropping. "Soon his numbers will be so low, he will not be able to rule us." The growing multitude sang to the world.
But until that had come to be, they watch and pray and worry.
Pray for the people living on the Gulf Coast!